Miss Independent

One of my friends, who is 24 years old like me, saw a financial adviser yesterday to go over all that boring crap like her 401 k and the status bank accounts. She emailed me this afterward

"My goal was to own a condo by the time I am 30. I was informed that it would be virtually impossible unless I experience a drastic increase in income.

She said that I could aggressively save 10-12 more years and hope its enough to put a down payment on a condo in that market. She said that she did not want to discourage my dreams, even though they are not feasible. She paused and then suggested, 'or you can get married in the next 5 years and you would definitely have enough!'"

(In case you were wondering...yes she really writes like that in casual emails to friends. Love it.)

If I were Carrie Bradshaw (just saw SATC2 by the way...meh), my commentary would go something like this:

"We're taught as little girls that we don't need a man, and we can achieve our goals all by ourselves. But what happens when we really do need a man to achieve those goals? Was woman's lib...just one big fib?"

Well Carrie Bradshaw I am not...so I say:

What a fucking bitch!!! If my financial adviser told me that I would spit on her. then I would tell her that I am a lesbian and this state doesn't ALLOW me to get married and make her feel really awful. I mean seriously, is suggesting that a 24 year old woman get married within 5 years in order to afford a condo really considered best practices in financial advising?

I would respect this woman more if she had told my friend to fly to Columbia, smuggle a package home, cut it with some baking powder and head to 16th and Valencia to sell that shit. Or whatever the fastest way to make 100K is these days.

So, to my girl, here's to you for not being a gold digger and I'm sure we can find you a better financial adviser on yelp or something.

xoxo

Jess

I'm Only Gonna Break Break Break Break Break Your Heart

While driving to work this morning I heard on the radio that the #1 song in the nation is "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz. This gives me pause for a couple reasons. First off, the song sucks. Behold a sample of the lyrics (and if you have never heard it, imagine a techno-infused, high energy pop sound):

Now listen to me baby
Before I love and leave you
They call me heart breaker
I don't wanna deceive you

If you falll for meee
I'm not eaasyy to pleaaase
I might tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start

I'm only gonna break, break, break, break, break your heart
I'm only gonna break, break, break, break, break your heart
I'm only gonna break, break, break, break, break your heart
I'm only gonna break, break, break, break, break your heart

Ok Taio, we get it. You are a bad, bad boy who is going to break our heart. Ladies of the world, look out. Here's the thing, though. I'm not sure if Taio remembers this, but his last single (which was in 2006) was "I Just Wanna Know" and it was basically the spineless little bitch anthem. Take a look:

Baby, talk to me
What's goin on
Lately, we aint been spendin time alone

Last night, when I touched your hand
You didn't wanna hold
Today no kiss goodbye
Just said you had to go

If you're leavin me baby
I just wanna know
I just wanna know

If you're done with me baby
I just wanna know
I just wanna know
I just wanna know
Yeah, yeah, yeah

So what exactly happened to you between now and then, Taio? How did you go from being a clingy, pathetic boyfriend to a "heartbreaker" (and WHO exactly calls you that)? I guess you were burned so badly by that girl in 2006 that you took four years to rebuild your shattered ego, and came back with a vengeance, determined to make every woman pay for the emotional suffering that chick put you through. Typical.

Anyway, Taio's personal life really isn't the topic of this post. My point was that most of the hip hop and r&b I hear these days misses the mark on so many levels, especially the crap that is on the radio and on iTunes "top songs". I mean who is decided what songs are #1? 13 year old girls? (Probably). It just seems to me that hip hop and r&b was at its best in the late 1990's and early 2000's. A few examples of great songs that provided the soundtrack to my young life:

Jon B. "Don't Say"-1997



This is a classic break-up song...Taio Cruz take note. Jon B is being played for sure, but he is fully aware of what is going on, and he's putting his foot down. He's done.

I know you mean well
Bvt lookin at you one can tell
You got changes to make
Cause the way you treat me girl just ain't right

Alway's frontin' on someone
But never think about the damage you've done
to meeeeeeee
And it's about damn time I talk about it

Every time I do for you
You turn around and make me feel like a fool
With your actions, so much for the words
Baby I love youuuu, yes

But now I've wised up girl
It's time for meeee to go
You better think about it
Cause I'm here to let you know...

This song reminds me of my sophomore year of high school, when I went through my first "real"break up. Now this guy had once told me that if we ever broke up he would be so depressed that he would join the air force (I guess that's why people join the air force), but now we were broken up and he WASN'T joining the air force. No, he was taking some other girl to prom instead of me (a girl who, coincidentally went on to become Miss California...congrats!) Shortly after this all went down, I was at my best friend's house listening to this song, and I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion and ran out the house and down the block, where she discovered me crying on her neighbors lawn. Yeah. Jon B will do that to you.

Mac Mall "Wide Open"-2000



This gem was brought to my attention courtesy of my second high school boyfriend, who was from the Bay Area and thus knew about Bay Area rap. He said that this song explained how he felt about me (I'm not kidding).

You think I'm runnin drag, but I ain't even mad
I bet you all my cash I'll be the realest that ya had
I wanna treat you lav, but you can't see that half
I'm tryin to keep you smilin if you just give me a chance

At times you make me laugh, you got me wide open
You think it's all a front, swear you ain't even knowin
If I was runnin drama on ya
I woulda been in the wind baby hittin corners

Instead I'm standin right beside you like ya know I'm 'posed to
Keepin composure, while most fools be in your face just tryin to get over
I see you know my style, me and my mob is wild
I hear your friends say I'm not trustworthy

But if you wait a while, I'll shut that madness down
Prove to you once and for all that I'm deservin
Of your heart, your mind, your soul, your body your time
If its cool boo, just give me a sign...

Yeah. Well maybe Mac Mall WAS deservin, but Max sure as hell wasn't. My friends were right when they said he wasn't trustworthy. Still a great song though.

Celly Cel "It's Goin Down"-1996



More Bay Area gold. I discovered this one in college even though it had been out for quite a while by then. If this isn't the song you bump in your Honda Civic on your way to the 18 and over club, then I don't know what is. Listening to it right now makes me want ride out, and its a damn Tuesday.

It's goin down so majorly my pager battery stay on low cells
While I'm tryin ta get some more mail
Dodgin' hot ones, makin liquor store runs
Creepin through the city streets
Pervin in the Mo 1
Can't get wrapped up in that 'he said, she said'
What was said'll leave ya dead
Runnin your mouth will get you filled with lead
So I stay real
Soakin that game outta the hills
Ridin with that Mazda sound
Now you know its goin down

Well...I can't pretend I know exactly what Celly is talking about for the majority of this one (what Mazda sound?), but whatever it is, I'm sure I agree.

Those are just a few examples...there was also En Vogue, Ginuwine, Blackstreet, Mase (before he became corny), etc. Even the BAD music was good...3LW anyone? I mean...why does everyone SUCK now? Has everything just been done before?

And what about the children...won't someone think of the children? Are 16 year old girls today listening to JUSTIN BIEBER when they get dumped? KE$HA to get pumped up for a night out? Probably so. Wait a minute...am I getting old? I'm getting fucking old! I'm that person, who is like "Kids these days...they don't know what good music is!"

Wow...I guess I'm gonna go listen to some Ke$ha and try to stay relevant.

xoxo

Jess

Emo

I like to think of myself as a generally positive person, but there are some days, like today, when I just want to throw in the damn towel. Things haven't been sunshine and rainbows lately (neither literally and figuratively) so I'm allowing myself another week or so of this before I prescribe myself some happy pills. I guess by then I'll be on Vicodin because I'm getting my wisdom teeth out, so it won't matter either way. Though in the words of Lady Antebellum (CAN'T believe I'm quoting them right now): "guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all."

That was dramatic. I know. It's just that it's Monday and I was planning on starting fresh this week with the positive attitude and spiritual well-being and I was even going to meditate but today has turned out to be a painfully slow work day, and its HAILING outside, and every time I try to drink out of my environmentally-friendly steel water bottle I dump water down my shirt. WTF???!!!!!

Also, an update on the living alone situation. I still love my apartment, but it has been SO FRUSTRATING trying to move, put together furniture, hang pictures, all that crap by myself. I already scratched the wall trying to balance on a stool while hanging a 50 pound painting on two tiny, unevenly hung picture hooks (it worked at my old place, ok???). I also managed to knock over a huge, ceramic plant pot and dent the beautiful hardwood floor. Oh, and there is a loud popping noise in the vent above my stove every time there is a storm, which is pretty often these days. Cool.

You know what? I was about to wrap this up with a cutesy little note about how even though things have been challenging, it's ok because my friends are amazing (which they ARE, don't get me wrong) and everything always works out for the best, and I am probably just PMSing (correct), BUT...I'm not even going to. It was pointed out to me recently how people have a tendency to conclude their writing in an annoyingly positive, starry-eyed, cherry-on-top, all's well that ends well sort of way and I am not in the mood for that shit.

This doesn't mean I accept defeat though, bitches...I'll be back.